I just finished
Texhnolyze... the end of that was just fucked up. Depressing as hell and fucked up.
I can't sleep. One of the many reasons I can't sleep is Warcraft. I haven't 'played' in like a week or more. I have not been counting the days or anything. I just noticed my xfire play tracker has me at 0 hours of WoW for the last week. So there you go.
I guess I've stopped playing (for now) for a few reasons. I'm in a new guild (well I've been in the guild for about 9 months, so it's not -that- new), and it's very very different from the one I used to run. I used to run a guild that prided itself on being ethical, that valued family and real world obligations. Even 2-3 months after we broke up I logged on to an alternate character and had people ask me where my guild went, because we were good people, we had class. Now I'm a peon in a guild run by 14 year olds, who are not above cheating and exploiting to get what they need done... and it gets to me. People outside of the guild don't like me cause of the dick heads in my guild.
But that's not really the main problem as sad as that sounds; it's just reality and the way things are... The problem is that even putting in 35-45 hours a week I wasn't "contributing enough" to get a first string raid spot. That's right, even playing enough to justify calling it a second full time job I wasn't doing enough in the eyes of my guild['s leadership]. Maybe it's because I dare to take time off to study for tests, or take 15 minutes at night to put Jenn to bed, I don't really know... and I'm starting to realize I don't particularly care.
Don't get me wrong, I
love the game still. And given a quality guild I would probably be back playing in no time. But, now I log on and I realize that I do not have even a single friend in the guild. Like not even one. I log on and no one talks to me, no one greets me, no one asks me how I've been, or even tonight when I logged on for the first time in over a week, where I've been. Back in my guild I would log on and get three private messages and 2-3 people talking to me in guild chat. Now? Nothing. When no one cares about you it starts to take a toll. One of the primary draws of this game [ for me at least ] was the social aspects. Hoping on vent to talk with people, having a generally good time every minute you play.
Now I only log on vent [voice chat] when I am forced to for a raiding situation. And then when I am on vent, I don't say a word. There's no point, these people aren't my friends, they are barely tolerable as acquaintances. These are the people I made fun of in high school because they are worthless... I remember in my old guild I played with a guy who had a masters in Religious theory and latin, a medical doctor, and a physics professor. Now I play with people who aren't even old enough to know how much they are sacrificing for this game. I mean when someone mentions how their playing this game made them lose out on a grant, or made them fail out of college it just turns my stomach.
So after not getting in to raids for 2-4 weeks, and not getting any explanation... I decided to wander off and see if I felt compelled to wander back. It's been over a week and I haven't had a single person come ask where I've wandered off to... so I'm gonna continue to chill and work and relax and not worry about WoW for a while. This guild makes it feel like a job, like an obligation... and I have better ways to waste my time.
Speaking of ways I've been wasting my time. I finished my new work website (
http://www.ussg.iu.edu ) and while I didn't do the theme myself, but I did port our old website from plain html pages to a nice RoR CMS.It's running well, and people are enjoying it. So yay. I'm working on our "I" theme so the visual identity people don' eat our souls, but it's coming slowly.
So work is generally good.
I've been feeling anti social lately, I've been staying up at night for no reason, playing Wii or watching anime. I should start going to guild more.... that is at least social, even if I have to deal with people who don't seem to like me all that much. ^_^;;
Anyway, I'm starting to get tired so I'm gonna go snuggle in next to my sick, crippled, 'stressed out to the breaking point' wife. Who I love dearly, even if she's insane (sometimes).